My dear, you are not bothering me AT ALL. I am here for you no matter what. But darling, I am SO FREAKING PROUD OF YOU! Just putting off cutting for 10 minutes/an hour/2 hours is an incredible achievement, but you managed the entire night!!! That takes an INCREDIBLE amount of strength and bravery and you should feel the same as I. Don’t let those horrible voices tell you that you are a failure because you are FAR FROM IT. Nothing bad will come from this, nothing AT ALL, I promise. You (and others are SAFE)The only bad thing that could come of this is you hurting your beautiful body because you do not deserve to feel the way you are feeling now.
Do you think you could do a few things for me? Could you make a bit of a plan for tonight? This means films, music, books, drawing, colouring, school work if you have any. And factor in nice things for yourself too. Maybe a nice shower? Plait your hair, paint your nails, moisterise your skin. And finally make a list of a few alternatives to help you to fight against the urge. I know people have various techniques like using pen or ice, I don’t know if that works for you?
Whatever happens please know that you are loved. Know that you are brave and strong and more wonderful than you could ever imagine. Sending you love x x x x x
Oh no :( I’m so sorry for seeing this so late. Please tell me you are okay? I’m so sorry that you had such a challenging and hard night, but lovely it’s alright. Whatever the outcome of last night you can get through this. If you did hurt yourself please treat yourself with some compassion. First and foremost make sure you clean and cover your cuts, you don’t want them to get infected. Secondly I want you to FORGIVE YOURSELF and understand that in that moment you did all you could to fight it, but it is understandable. Recovery (from ALL types of mental illness) is a process. When you choose to fight you are not suddenly cured, and these set backs will happen, but that DOES NOT MEAN THAT YOU ARE BAD/A FAILURE/ANYTHING THAT VOICE TELLS YOU YOU ARE and you most definitely do not have to apologise for having the urges to SH.
I think I know who you are, so please please please let me know that you are okay. You can come talk to me anytime darling and thank you for feelig like you could reach out to me. I am proud of you for fighting against those voices and looking for help. You are so brave and strong and I know that you will gradually overcome this and get better, but like I said, it’s a process and it does take time and that’s okay x x x x x
The Bristol Hippodrome are looking for FOH staff again… The temptation to reapply is so great right now…
Would that be pointless seeing as I have already been interviewed and they didn’t want me in the first place or?…
I think I’ve made a decision in my own mind as to what direction I want to go in. Now I’m DEFINITELY NOT saying that I don’t want to be a performer because I DO! I LOVE to sing and I honestly cannot describe to you the way doing a show makes me feel, but I know that I am not quite ready to dive into all that right now. I am out of practise, I am scared, I don’t have the confidence to audition and I’m not the best that I can be. I could probably be alright now, but I know that I can capable of being BRILLIANT ;)
Stage Management though, that was different. It felt like it came naturally to me when we had our module at Uni. I suffered with nerves less, it felt less pressured which kind of doesn’t really make sense because all the pressure is on us haha! But I just remember having the best time of my life and I feel excited when I think about the prospect of doing something like that again. I think that is the right direction for me at the moment; working behind the scenes, supporting the show.
I’ve tried out once, I got some feedback and now I will do it again. My CV will be incredible short and dull, but who cares. I can write cover letters to illustrate my personality and enthusiasm. Maybe I will find something, maybe not, but at least I’m trying.
It’s horrifying how differently some people treat you when you’re fat, to when you’re not. And when you’re all done up and when you’re just normal. No wonder women are so insecure. I know men are too. But when one is a woman, with all the tools at a modern woman’s disposal, one can literally look like a completely different person from one half-hour to the next.
Even then, you think you don’t look like you should. Sometimes look at billboards of beautiful models, and the real people underneath, and think it’s a bit like if we were on a planet where all the space creatures were short, green and fat. Except a very few of them were tall, thin and yellow. And all the advertising was of the tall, yellow ones, airbrushed to make them even taller and yellower. So all the little green space creatures spent their whole time feeling sad because they weren’t tall, thin and yellow.
Just spotted a 4 pack of pretty big BEEF DRIPPING(?!!) Yorkshires in the Freezer when I was getting a Pita out for Lunch. Looks like I’m going to be having a truly amazing Roast later on :D
Also I’ve been shopping with Mum and got myself some new Tops and 2 more boxes of Cereal(!!!) because my Cheerios are running low and I finished my Frosties last night so I now have some more Frosties and some Rice Crispies. And I’ve FINALLY got myself a door(YAYYY!) and a Memory Foam Mattress. I’ve been waiting to get these things for so long now I’m so happy to finally have them even if I do need to wait a week to be able to get my door hung…
YEAH ANON YOU GO GET YOURSELF THE BEST MCDONALD’S!!! I’m not going to be able to join in :( BUT I am having a Roast Dinner (Roast Beef, Roast Potatoes, Veggies, Gravy and I want to ask for Yorkshires if the CoOp have them too!!!)
This message made me so happy :’) thank you for inviting me to share the challenge with you. I’m sorry I am not participating exactly, but I am going to make sure I have AS MUCH AS THE HELL I WANT at Dinner. Will you let me know how it goes? Tell me what you have (: Good luck, sweetheart and ENJOY IT!!! x x x