Haha I know right?!! I can’t believe I used to HATE it! Crusts were ERGH!! but now… oooh they’re good, like tougher(?) and chewy and… just YUM!!
Darling, there are so many things I would like to address right now.
Firstly, White Bread does make me anxious (Bread makes me anxious, but White Bread more so) ESPECIALLY eating it for Lunch too so posting that was kind of documenting an achievement for me in a way.
Secondly, it’s something that I’ve had to conquer fairly soon because my family don’t buy Wholemeal. And whilst I do like the taste of Wholemeal, I also like how White Bread is deliciously fluffy and soft and I ate White Bread Pre ED so… I’ve just kinda forced myself
Thirdly, I’m going to sound like a hypocrite here - me with my HUGE list of stupid fears and rules - but food is NOTHING to be scared of. It’s food. It’s energy, it’s sustenance. It keeps you alive (and tastes good ;)) Sometimes, I find facts help to fight back against fears. For instance, Carbs are a BIG fear for me, even now when I am tackling it, but Rosie always reminds me that Carbs are the only source of energy that our Brains can use. We NEED Carbs to make our Brains function!
Finally, I would just like to say that our EDs are not logical. Fear Foods don’t always make sense. Can I give you an example? My Fear Food List contains a lot of the likely suspects, but it also features Peas, Sweetcorn and Bananas… It’s ridiculous!
You will be able to conquer your fear like I am doing :) It is possible, I promise x x x
Firstly, I don’t actually follow the MM guidelines, BUT I do think they are BRILLIANT and I use them as inspiration in my Recovery.
Secondly, how do you know that was all I had? I know it’s not exactly lots more, but I had a Pear too… I don’t have to picture everything that goes into my mouth. I’ve been there, done that and it was frankly annoying and embarrassing.
Thirdly, my Porridge Pots are NOT less than 200 calories and so what if they were. These Porridge Pots and ‘Porridge Week’ is about me CHALLENGING MY FEARS. It’s about me having a PROPER Porridge Pot, Porridge made with MILK (essentially) and not just an average Sachet made up with Water.
Forthly(?), if I WAS doing MM, it would be PERFECTLY possible for me to reach minimums even if my Breakfast was small. I can’t believe I’m actually saying this, but 3000 calories ISN’T tonnes of food and I’m pretty sure I could hit that if I wasn’t such a coward. Well actually, I’m pretty certain I have hit that a number of times, and more!
Finally, I’m sorry for being such a defensive bitch
(And I’m just waiting for the Anon’s saying ‘if it’s so easy to reach 3000, why don’t you do it everyday…)
It’s just Strawberry Jam?!! I might not have as much as you have, but I don’t want any more. We all have our own preferences, Anon
This anon reminds me of laura-the :’)
Okay!!! I’m going to get Lunch :D
Thank you. Sometimes permission is just what I need, however disordered that may be :/ <3
And Katie is FANTASTIC!!
It’s not that I think Ice Cream is bad, it’s that my ED thinks it’s bad and therefore eating it 3 days in a row is challenging it big time! Especially when I have been eating Chocolate and Biscuits too!!
I think, and I am probably at risk of offending a billion people here, that what we have to remember is perhaps eating a Pint everyday or most days is normal to US (because we are recovering) it’s not necessarily normal to the general population. Sure, I think it’s perfectly normal to eat Ice Cream whenever you want’ sometimes it will be twice in one day, or a whole Pint one evening. It could be everyday for 2 weeks and then it could be none at all for a whole month. And I think THAT is what I am comparing myself to if that makes sense. Not within the recovery community, but within my life in general. For us guys it’s perfectly understandable as to why a lot of us are eating Pints of Ice Cream (and others have different cravings and desires and that’s perfectly good too!!) but for people who don’t necessarily understand it’s not exactly normal.
I don’t know :/ I think it’s just a combination of fear or what is ‘socially accepted’, fear of challenging my ED, and fear of what others think of me…
But thank you ever so much for your reassurance - I will continue to eat Ice Cream until it becomes more ‘normal’ to me and not some magical wonderfulness (although it will always be that) that is exaggerated and craved because it has been ‘forbidden’ for too long.
I’m still in bed
I can’t find the motivation to shower. I dont want to shower. What’s the point?
I’m on my stupid period
The tops of my thighs are aching and it’s slowly spreading
The thought of clothes makes me want to cry
I need to finish tidying the kitchen
I NEED to sweep my floor, I need to tidy my room
The thought of mess is niggling
But I can’t get out of bed
I want to finish my book today
I can feel breakfast up around my throat
I’m home alone
This doesn’t usually bother me
I hate periods
I’m scared because I used to experience really scary horrible effects with them and I don’t want to get that pain again
I’ve already eaten 3 out of the 5 Ice Cream items I bought on Sunday. I’m scared of my ED, but I’m also scared at what my family will say
I need to get out of bed
Please Soph, just get dressed
Tidy the Kitchen
I’ve decided that even if I do look like a potato that’s okay. Potatoes come in all shapes and sizes too, and they all taste yummy, so even potatoes are beautiful from the inside out. I’m on a journey to discover what kind of potato I am whilst remembering that the shape of said potato doesn’t define me.
This is why Rosie is my hero <3 x x
Porridge Week, of course!!!
See my previous posts for an explanation (: